Various Zoro x Sanji Short Stories
by vampire-otaku1
Summary: A collection of short, unrelated Zoro x Sanji stories, from One Piece. Shounen ai or yaoi.
1. Signatures

Yeah, I'm rearranging my Fanfiction Net account, so you might see a few stories I originally posted as their own stories now added to the collection here. Please be patient with me. :D

_One Piece_ isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

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**Signatures**, rated T (language and sexual situation) My first ever fanfiction.

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He was curled up on a broad, muscular chest, basking in the afterglow of an evening of passion. The soothing sound of Zoro's heartbeat thumped in his ear as he rested his cheek just below the swordsman's strong chin. For the past few moments his fingers traced idly over that broad expanse, hovering here and there when they encountered one of the many rough bands of scar tissue. 

There was no missing the largest of them that ran diagonally over that well-toned flesh. Zoro earned that one at their first meeting. A wry smile touched Sanji's lips as he thought of how much had changed since then; if anybody even hinted that they would have someday become lovers, he would have kicked their asses all the way from the Baratie to the Grand Line. Then he remembered how only a short time later the swordsman stubbornly fought Arlong's merman for the sake of his drowning captain, never mind that he was gushing blood all over the place. That scar held a lot of meaning for both of them.

He slid his fingers from that blemish to the fainter lines that crisscrossed the swordsman's sun-bronzed torso. Remnants of battles fought and won by the santōryū left their mark, like a storybook of Zoro's life. Signatures of villains whose lives ended on the tip of his swords.

A large, calloused hand covered his own, pausing his searching fingers. Sanji glanced up to see the swordsman watching him from beneath sleep-hooded eyelids. "What are you doing, shitty-cook?" The whispered curse resounded like an endearment in his ears, and he chuckled.

"Just reminiscing, asshole." He sighed as a muscle-bound arm snaked up to clasp the cook in place.

"Hmph." Rough fingers traced his shoulder blade absentmindedly. "What about? All those idiots I sliced up?"

"No." The cook rose slightly to lean towards the other's face for a gentle kiss. "About the ridiculous amounts of blood you like to mark your battlefields with."

Zoro grunted, pulling Sanji back down to his chest. "I'm still alive, ain't I?"

"You're not allowed to go and die on me anyway, marimo-head."

"I don't plan on it." The swordsman's mouth opened wide into a yawn. "Now go back to sleep."

Sanji nestled his head back down into that junction of neck and shoulder where he seemed to fit so perfectly and smiled. As Zoro's snores began reverberating through the small room, he couldn't help but find peace in the thought that no matter how bloody or torn, the swordsman always returned to him. No matter how many scars he may accrue, Sanji's signature remained on his heart as an invisible mark of love.

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Yah, I know the ending was a bit cliche. This was my very first fanfic ever, so it has its problems.

A/N: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added!


	2. So Much For Sundaes

_One Piece_ isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

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**So Much For Sundaes**, rated T (language and sexual situation)

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Sanji had just gotten all of the little bowls arranged perfectly on the dessert tray when a green-haired swordsman invaded the sanctum of his dinner preparations.

"What're you doing, shitty-cook?" Floorboards creaked as Zoro wandered over for a closer look.

"I'm _trying_ to do something productive, unlike certain people." Returning containers of nuts and sprinkles to the cabinet above and closing the door, a swift movement caught his eye and he lashed out with a foot. The swordsman ducked as the small, red prize disappeared into his mouth.

"Oi, marimo-head, those are toppings for tonight's sundaes, not fucking snacks," he hissed.

The swordsman found his gaze and unwaveringly held it as he snagged another maraschino cherry by the stem, bringing it to his lips. He grasped the fruit with his teeth, pulling it from the stem. Zoro rolled it around his mouth, savoring the flavor, before crushing the cherry against his palate and swallowing. A pink tongue snaked out to capture the last of the sweetness from his lips. "But they're so good like this, asshole." Flashing a daring smile, he snatched another one and held it temptingly before his lips. "Why don't you try it?"

Spurred to motion by the challenge in Zoro's voice, the cook barely hesitated before closing the distance between them and capturing the cherry and Zoro's mouth in one swift movement.

The need for air drove them apart minutes later, panting and flushed, bent over the counter on what remained of the tray.

"Stupid bastard," the cook whispered through kiss-swollen lips. "Look what you've done." But a roll of the swordsman's hips into his own cut off any more conversation, and Zoro's lips returned to his.

_I guess dinner's gonna be late tonight...__

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_A/N: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added!


	3. Caught

_One Piece_ isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

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**Caught**, rated T (language)_  
_

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Zoro backed himself into the furthest corner of the store, eyes panning to make sure no one was watching him. Satisfied of his solitude, he turned and carefully slipped the magazine from behind his back, slowly paging through.

His mind slipped back to the last port, and how he'd "accidentally" picked up this same publication. How his eyes had widened at the possibilities, and he'd taken many mental notes. How sex with the blonde cook had become utterly mind-blowing in the following weeks. A Cheshire-cat grin spread itself across the swordsman's face. The sex was fucking _amazing_.

"So that's where you came up with that shit." Zoro yelped guiltily and jumped nearly a foot in the air. He'd been so engrossed in his reading that Sanji's approach had completely escaped him. One of the cook's hands thin hands reached over to steady the page as he peered closer, whistling appreciatively. "Didn't know you could do that."

The two men stood together, silently reading for several minutes. Finally Zoro cleared his throat. "I'm gonna get this."

Sanji quirked a curly eyebrow, surprised look slowly transforming into an anticipating leer. "Hmm." Zoro started as he felt long fingers caress his ass before departing with a light squeeze. His cheeks flushed brightly, and he shoved the other man.

"Watch it, asshole." He paused. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

Sanji's lithe form sauntered almost provocatively over to another rack. "You aren't the only one who checks out porn, dumbass."

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A/N: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added!


	4. Mending Ignorance

_One Piece_ isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

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**Mending Ignorance**, rated T (language)

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"Fix this for me, will you?" Sanji looked up in time to see the swordsman drop his ratty hakamari on the table behind the cook before beating a hasty retreat for the door. Unfortunately he wasn't fast enough; lithe hands threw the cloth through the air to wrap itself around the back of his green head.

"Just cause I bottom sometimes doesn't make me your bitch," the blonde sneered. "Sew that mess yourself. Better yet, get a new one." Zoro turned to face the cook, green fabric twisting in his hands as watched Sanji silently. The lack of a comeback spurred the cook to push further. "What, too manly to-"

"I can't, asshole." A faint blush stole over tan cheeks as the swordsman's eyes focused on the floor somewhere between the two men.

Realization dawned on the blonde's face. "Oh." He ran his fingers awkwardly through his hair, watching the green-haired man until deep emerald eyes returned to his own azure ones.

Zoro felt like a complete fool, but the lack of contempt or pity on the cook's face kept him from stomping out in a huff. Sanji turned and tugged a drawer open, searching for something. With a satisfied grunt he pulled out a small box and tossed it to the swordsman, who easily caught it. A green eyebrow rose in inquiry.

"Sewing kit." Wood scraped as Sanji pulled a bench away from the galley table and sat. "Now sit your ass down so I can teach you."

"Why?" The swordsman's perched his toned rear precariously on the edge of the bench, as if unsure whether or not to flee.

"Somebody's gotta educate you, marimo-head. Besides, you try pawning that tattered mess off on me again, and I'll kick the shit out of you."


	5. A Teasing Distraction

_One Piece_ isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

Warning: The following stories are shounen ai or yaoi, which are terms of Japanese origin used to refer to work that refers to homosexual relationships between male characters. **Boy love**. So if this isn't your thing, please go back now.

Written for LiveJournal communities. Zoro x Sanji.

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**A Teasing Distraction**, rated PG-13 (language and situations)

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Sanji was trying desperately to ignore the hand sliding down the back of his pants.

He knew who it was. There was no mistaking those long, calloused fingers kneading the gentle swell of his rear; how many times had they done the same? Seemed sometimes like Zoro had a preoccupation with his ass.

The blonde ignored the other man, deft hands manipulating a knife to cut vegetables in perfect slices. Well, perfect until several of those seeking fingers slid smoothly down to trace the cleft of his cheeks and the sensitive opening hidden between. Sanji's practiced rhythm stuttered, bouncing ragged chunks of carrot haphazardly across the counter as a deep flush stained his face. But the cook still stubbornly refused to acknowledge the swordsman and instead began sweeping the vegetables into a saucepan.

Said saucepan promptly dropped to the counter from nerveless fingers as Zoro's free hand slid around his waist to briefly cup his crotch, squeezing teasingly before both hands withdrew. "Too busy, ne? Oh well." A playful slap to his rear preceded the sound of heavy boots retreating slowly towards the door.

"Fucker!" Sanji hissed, whirling and throwing himself after the swordsman. "Finish what you start, you bastard!"

So Zoro did. And Sanji sure as hell didn't ignore him this time around.

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A/N: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added!


	6. Bathtime Relaxation

_One Piece_ still ain't mine.

**Bathtime Relaxation**, rated PG-13 (language)

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Light reflected a myriad of colors off the surface of soap bubbles sliding down scarred, tanned flesh, washing away the dirt and grime. A soft cloth scrubbed gently at the more stubborn patches, guided by calloused and blood stained fingers as Zoro allowed the hot bath to leech some of the tension from his weary body.

Another day of naps, training, and Marine attacks. Pitiful opponents whose skills couldn't even touch the swordsman before his santoryu splattered their blood across the deck. Another day closer to his goal, to his final meeting with Mihawk and his destiny.

Zoro dunked his mossy hair into the cooling water, cleansing the last of the soap from his scalp before lounging back against the cool tile of the tub. Tired emerald eyes drifted slowly closed, and the swordsman didn't fight the sleep tugging at his consciousness as he slipped off into dreamlessness.

Thin hands gently tilted his head back, soft lips pressing a kiss to his forehead that drew him out of his slumber. Sanji's upside-down face quickly came into focus as Zoro rubbed the sleep from his eyes and peered back at the other man.

"You know," the cook murmured, running fingers through Zoro's spiky green hair, "it's not real safe to be falling asleep in the bathtub, asshole."

"Hn." The swordsman let his eyes drift back closed. "Not gonna drown."

The cook snorted and withdrew. The soft sound of Sanji's footsteps soon returned, and paused right before a heavy cotton towel landed squarely atop his head. "What the-"

A deep chuckle answered him. "Out of the tub, marimo. The water's freezing and I want a shower."

Zoro grunted. "Get in here and I'll warm it up for you." He tossed the towel back in Sanji's general direction without opening his eyes.

"Uh-huh. With all the energy you have, I'd have better chances jacking off."

"Pervert."

"Lethargic asshole."

Long fingers dove into the water and pulled the plug, allowing the water to quickly drain with a gurgle before replacing it and turning the tap back on. Zoro cracked an eye accusingly. "Hey..."

"Che, if you're not gonna get out, at least let me run some hot water before I crawl in there with you. Somebody's got to keep you from drowning, and I don't wanna freeze my ass off doing it. Now scoot forward, bastard."

Sanji stepped in gingerly as the swordsman complied, sinking down behind the other man with a contented sigh as he was enveloped in the delicious heat of the bathwater. "Mmm, much better." Reaching fingers grasped Zoro's shoulders and drew him back to rest against the blonde's chest.

"Thought you wanted a shower."

"Eh, shut up. This is more relaxing."

Damn cook made a better pillow than the hard tile anyway.


	7. Sunrise

_One Piece_ still ain't mine.

**Sunrise, **rated PG-13 (language). WARNING: Character death.

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Ruddy oranges. Brilliant crimsons. An intense blue only slightly lighter in shade than Sanji's eyes had been. 

"What... do you see... now?" The faint voice murmured. Zoro forced himself to look away from the lightening sky and down at the thin man clasped loosely to his chest, head held just above the waterline. Made himself focus on the shattered remains of a once handsome face, now sightless and bloody. Ignored the way his own lifeblood pumped steadily into the cold waves from the torn remains of his legs.

"_Merry _isn't back yet." _She'd never return to them from her watery grave_.

"Bet... she blew those... assholes... right outta... the water, right?" The cook was struggling more and more for each breath, lungs gasping painfully every time he inhaled. It wouldn't be long now.

The swordsman snorted. "Hell yeah. It was no contest." _None at all, not after the first mortars fell, showering the crew with an ingeniously deadly shower of seastone and iron shrapnel._

"'s good." Sanji tried to shift his body higher up Zoro, out of the water, but his strength failed him. "Dammit. I'm... tired."

Zoro let faux anger creep into his voice; anything to ignore the hot tears slipping silently down his face. "Then be quiet and rest, bastard. They'll be back soon." Shifting his tentative grip on the wreckage he clung to for both their sakes, he awkwardly gathered the other man closer.

The sun rose a little higher, a little brighter in the short silence that followed, the bottom rim of that blazing orb almost over the horizon. Funny how he never watched the sunrise like this before, never noticed the incredible colors and the simple beauty of something so unchanging as the sun.

"Zo...ro." The fingers against the swordsman's back were fluttering, echoing the tremors that shook his thin frame. "What... see?"

_It wasn't supposed to end like this. I saw us arguing and fighting and loving each other long after One Piece, long after we'd found our dreams; making new dreams together._ "It's _Merry_. She's finally seen us." He paused, as if he were squinting towards the nonexistent ship. "Usopp's in the crow's nest, and Chopper's probably inside steering. Luffy's waving at us from the figurehead, the stupid asshole." He cleared his throat, hoping the cook hadn't noticed his voice cracking. "And you should see those silly girls of yours leaning over the railing. Probably eager for Chopper to patch you up so you can fix 'em another of those frou-frou drinks of yours."

Torn lips quirked into a weak smile at the last, and Zoro swore it outshone anything the sun could ever muster. "...too... tired."

"Sleep then. You'll see them soon enough."

"'k." One last sigh. One last clenching of thin fingers at his shirt. One last shuddering breath at his cheek before Zoro floated alone in the vast expanse of the Grand Line. He lifted his eyes to the sun as it finally slipped over the horizon.

One last sunrise.

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A/N: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added! 


	8. Thwarted Plans

_One Piece_ still ain't mine.

**Thwarted Plans**, rated PG-13 (language and sexual situations).

Crack warnings for naive!Luffy and bad puns.

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"We don't get to do this often enough." Sanji lay sprawled atop Zoro in a corner of the boys' quarters, chin resting on one hand while the other traced invisible circles on the swordsman's sweat-streaked skin.

"Hn." Zoro watched his movements, green eyes hooded and content. Between the possibility of adventure on the uninhabited island they'd stopped at and the picnic lunch the cook packed for the crew, everyone else had run off and left them with the _Going Merry_ to themselves. For which the swordsman was grateful. Too much time at sea with too little privacy could be hard on a man; a quick grope here and there and the company of his own hand was nothing like slowly enjoying Sanji's warm, willing heat... Zoro slid hands down to grasp the blonde's hips, shifting against him. "Wanna go for round two, while we can?"

BAM! The trapdoor above slammed open and Luffy scampered down the ladder, a decidedly pouty look on his face. "Guys, are you done yet? I've been waiting forever. Ussop and Chopper and me were gonna have a fun time playing games on the beach, but Usopp left the cards down here."

The rubberman squatted before his two crewmates, who'd scrambled apart and pulled blankets over themselves in record time. "Nami said not to bother you 'cause you were probably screwing, but I couldn't figure out why you'd be putting something together when we've got this cool island to explore." Luffy didn't seem to notice the strange colors Sanji's face was turning, while Zoro watched the unfolding scene in resigned amusement. "You were making a lot of noise. What were you screwing? Was it hard or something?"

He paused and tipped his head to the side, expression quizzical. "And why are you guys naked?"

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A/N: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added! 


	9. Sleepy Contemplations

_One Piece_ still ain't mine.

**Sleepy Contemplations, **rated PG. Zoro POV

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Sleeping, Sanji is beautiful. There is no other way to describe him. 

He's laying sprawled across the futon next to me, soft blue t-shirt riding up to reveal the pale expanse of his abdomen almost teasingly. Moonlight shines pearlescently through a porthole to illuminate the well-chiseled muscles hiding just under the skin of his stomach. Steel deceptively sheathed in silk.

Just below the hollow of his navel feather faint wisps of blonde hair, trailing down below the waistband of low-slung boxers. I know from memory how soft those hairs were; knew the soft sounds Sanji would make if I traced their path like _this_. Yeah. Those sounds.

And if I run my fingers over his belly long enough, that funny curled eyebrow of his twitches. So I play, running my fingertips up and down that sensitive trail until it does. Oh, and his leg kinda kicks out too. Can't forget that.

What next? Hmmm, that blonde hair. The moonlight washes it out until it shines a luminous silver. I brush it back to reveal the left side of his face. The side he lets only me see. For some reason he's ashamed of the blindness that hair hides, the milky blue orb that testifies to an accident in his early days. Something to do with his mother. But the rest of the story he keeps as hidden as that eye, and I respect his silence; we all have our demons. My fingers glide gently over the matching curly eyebrow before tracing the upper ridge of his cheekbone. His face is too perfect to keep hidden, I tell him, but he always smiles bitterly and waves me off. It's the truth, though.

No exploration of Sanji's face is complete without contemplating his lips. Soft, firm, and oh-so-kissable. They were what first drew me to him, always twisted in a sneer, a goofy grin, or wrapped around a cigarette. The first time I'd stolen a kiss, tasted that alluring combination of nicotine and spice... Mmmm. Remembering makes me want that flavor on my lips again. I lean over and press my mouth to his, teasing the sleep-slack lips with my tongue. There it is, that taste.

And suddenly those lips aren't slack and he's sleepily responding, supple tongue prodding mine in return. I draw back to focus on his face, staring into drowsy azure eyes. His mouth quirks in a soft smile.

Sleeping, Sanji is beautiful. Sleep-tousled and smiling, he's downright sexy.

So I drop my head to taste him again.

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A/N: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added! 


	10. Playing At House

_One Piece _isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

**Playing At House**, rated PG-13 for language.

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"Zoro." 

The swordsman groaned and batted at the finger poking determinedly at his shoulder. "'m sleeping, go 'way."

"Zoro, we're playing a game and we need you," Luffy whined.

"Go play with Chopper or something."

"But I'm already playing," the reindeer's squeaky voice chimed in from behind the captain. He peered around the rubbery leg he clung to, limpid brown eyes threatening to suck Zoro into their pools of cuteness.

Zoro shook his head in an attempt to dislodge the thought. "And Usopp is where...?"

Luffy sighed wearily. "He's got to finish the laundry by noon or else the cursed washbasin of doom is gonna magically turn the suds into great big monsters," fingers curled into claws that lashed playfully at the swordsman, the rubber boy's voice dropping to a low growl, "that will rise from the tub and eat your-"

_Why did I ask_? "So Usopp can't play." It didn't take a genius to figure out that he was losing this battle. Closing his eyes, he kneaded his temples. "Fine, what do you want to play?"

"Yay! Zoro's gonna PLAY!" The two grabbed each other to dance arm-in-arm across the deck.

"Oi, idiots, answer the question!"

One after the other Chopper and Luffy plopped down before the increasingly annoyed swordsman. Luffy grinned. "We're gonna play house."

"House?! What are you, a couple of five-year-olds?!"

The two gazed at him innocently.

"Forget I asked," Zoro mumbled, smacking his face with his palm.

"So Luffy and me are gonna be the kids and you're gonna be the dad and Sanji's gonna be the mom and-"

_Mom_. "Wait just a minute." This just kept getting better and better. "Have you even asked the shitty cook? I don't expect he's going to just agree to that. No matter how womanly he might seem at times. What about Nami?"

Luffy pouted, lips pursed in exasperation. "Nami's the one who gave us the idea to play house, but she was busy and said to let Sanji be mom 'cause he's in the kitchen making cookies and wearing that pink apron of his, and said if you're the dad he might get mad if-"

"And what would I be getting mad about?" Speak of the devil. The blonde cook had to emerge from his sanctuary at the most amusing part of this increasingly bizarre conversation. Sanji's cold gaze flitted over each of the gathered boys before settling back on his captain.

Zoro never would have thought that wiping one's hands on a towel could look more threatening than at that moment, while the cook waited for what he probably expected to be a mumbled confession (or denial) of more food thievery.

"If Zoro went with Nami instead of you."

The blonde sputtered, visible eye wide as his gaze darted between his goddess on the upper deck and his partner before him. "Wha... what?!"

"Che, don't freak out, dartboard eyebrow. You couldn't pay me enough to shack up with the demon woman." He toed Sanji in the calf. "You're bad enough."

Zoro blocked the sudden kick aimed at his head. Barely. Hand encircling the deceptively thin ankle shaking with tension just over his sea-green hair, he sneered. "C'mon, 'Mom', you're not setting a good example for the kids."

A lesser man might have run screaming from the withering glare Sanji fixed on him, voice dangerously low. "What?! What did you call me, shithead?"

Chopper and Luffy watched mournfully as the older men tumbled across the deck in a flurry of blows and muffled curses. "Why do 'Mom' and 'Dad' fight all the time?" Chopper asked, tugging at his 'brother's' pant leg.

Luffy merely patted the pink hat atop the reindeer's head. "It's that love thing," he murmured sagely.

Wide brown eyes watched the continuing battle in enlightenment before returning to Luffy. "Love is noisy."

"You think that's bad, just wait until they make up." A sudden grin spread itself across the taller boy's face. "Hey, 'Mom' said he was making cookies... maybe there's cookie dough in the kitchen. All alone and with nobody to guard it..."

The air around the boys almost sparkled in their excitement before they scampered for the open galley door, leaving Sanji and Zoro alone in the midst of their latest spat.

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The cookie dough was more than worth the kicks they received afterwards. And Chopper and Luffy exchanged knowing glances that evening when the trapdoor to the bunkroom was locked and 'Mom' and 'Dad' made up. Noisily. 

The boys took the opportunity to raid the kitchen again.

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A.N.: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added! 


	11. Come to Bed, Stupid

_One Piece _isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

**Come To Bed, Stupid**, rated PG-13 for language.

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It was three o'clock in the damn morning. And the love-cook still hadn't come to bed. 

Zoro grumbled unintelligibly under his breath as he ascended the ladder and strolled across the deck towards the faint lamplight glowing from the galley doorway. Sure, if Sanji wanted to be a fool and forgo a night of sleep, it was no skin off his nose, but the asshole got cranky as hell if he didn't sleep right. And after several months of sharing the same hammock, it got kind of lonely at night without the blonde bedwarmer. Though he'd be loath to admit it.

The sight that greeted him from inside gave him pause. The kitchen table was littered with Sanji's vast collection of cookbooks, some stacked teeteringly high, others open to well-thumbed recipes while scraps of paper stuck out from between other pages, bookmarking more sites of interest. Scattered between the books lay notes, lists, and various other paraphernalia Sanji pulled out whenever he planned the crew's rations and meals.

And then there was Sanji. Golden strands of fine hair splayed over the pale skin of the arm his head rested upon. Slouched over one of his larger cookbooks, his soft snores echoed through the quiet room as Zoro crept in to lay his hands on the other's shoulders. "Oi, Sanji."

The blonde mumbled something along the lines of "let the stew simmer for about half an hour more." He shifted, planting his face firmly against the spine of the book next to him.

Zoro rolled his eyes. If nothing else, Sanji was definitely a sound sleeper. "C'mon, asshole, wake up," he muttered, punctuating his words with a shake of those narrow shoulders.

"Ngh, don't wanna." The cook tried to drowsily shrug the swordsman's large hands from him, but quickly gave up. "Go 'way, 'm sleepin'."

Zoro reached up to brush blonde hair from Sanji's face and pressed a soft kiss to his temple. "No you're not. Come down to bed."

Sanji grumbled and finally sat up, fingers scrubbing at his sleepy eyes and wiping the thin trickle of drool from his cheek; faint red lines marked where he'd lain pressed against his book. "Fine. What time is it, anyway?"

"About three."

"It's that late already? Damn." Sanji glanced blearily over the mess of his table. "And I didn't finish planning the meals for next week."

"Finish them tomorrow. You should come down and get some sleep so you aren't a completely unpleasant bastard in the morning."

"Hn." He finally stood and stretched languidly before turning back to Zoro. "What, lonely down there or something?"

"No," Zoro replied, perhaps a little too quickly. "I just know how cranky you get if you don't sleep. And I don't feel like putting up with that tomorrow."

Sanji laughed softly and blew out the lamp, sending the galley into darkness. "Yeah, sure."

"It's true, you dumb shit."

"Whatever." He lovingly kicked the swordsman in the shin. "Sounds like I'm not the only one who should get to bed."

Zoro bit back a retort and pushed the cook roughly from the galley. Next time he was just gonna let the bastard drool on his books all night long.

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A.N.: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added! 


	12. Good Morning, Good Morning!

_One Piece _isn't mine. So please don't sue me…

**Good Morning, Good Morning!**, rated PG for a bit of language.

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He could put up with a lot of things.

Normally.

Otherwise life on this crazy ship would get overwhelming mighty fast.

…But staring into the portrait of a rather demented Strawhat jolly roger, however faint, doodled into the lingering fog coating the bathroom mirror was a bit much this early in the morning.

Sanji grimaced through a partial face-full of shaving soap and smeared away the image with the edge of a towel, steeling himself with the knowledge that Luffy's artwork was enough to make even the most hardened of pirates cringe. Thank goodness the drawing was a leftover from yesterday's washings, since otherwise he might have been blessed with all of the horrifying details; the only male with enough mental fortitude to get up before Sanji was the idiot swordsman.

...Who always managed to scatter little green whiskers across the sink during his efforts at shaving. What the hell. One would think that a man who wielded an intimidating straight razor with the skill and ease of a master swordsman could clean up after himself.

_I suppose that's asking too much of the dumb moss-head, after all._

The blonde shook his head and resumed his own morning ritual, dabbing the last of the scented lather to his face with a small, ivory-handled brush. He saw no shame in using a safety razor, since holding a bare blade to one's throat while sailing the fickle ocean just seemed like suicide. Several practiced strokes removed the stubble of his cheeks, a few more made the fuzz of an up-and-coming mustache disappear, and finally it was down to the maintenance of his carefully-cultivated chin scruff.

Sanji thought it made him look sophisticated, no matter how many times Zoro teased him about not being able to grow a proper beard yet.

He leaned closer to the mirror, warm breath washing over the glass and easing the fog back into existence. The blonde made a face and held his breath, trying to see around the haze.

And paused.

For there, scrawled across the corner of the mirror, were the words 'Morning, shithead.'

The soft bark of laughter that accompanied Sanji's grin was quickly stifled as he wiped the words away as well, returning to his grooming. That was as close to a 'Good morning, handsome" as he could ever expect from the uncultured ass.

And that, he could put up with.

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A.N.: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added! 


	13. Not Suitable For Children or Luffy

**Not Suitable For Children or Luffy**, rated T (language)

* * *

"I swear, I'm gonna kill him." 

Chopper looked up from swabbing the angry red burns on the swordsman's abdomen. "Usopp didn't _mean _to set you on fire. It was an accident."

"Accident my ass." More like mentally challenged. Why else would you make an explosive device and let Luffy light it, of all people? The damned thing landed right on his stomach and burst into an impressive display of pyrotechnic delight. While he was sleeping. He was fucking lucky that he had good reflexes and that his haramaki gave him an extra layer of protection or he might really have been in trouble.

Sanji held up said haramaki and peered at Zoro through the scorched holes. "Look on the bright side, Marimo. You'll finally have to replace this ratty thing."

"Fuck you."

The cook snorted. "Not today, shithead."

The galley door burst open to admit Luffy, who bounded in with something cradled in his hands. "Hey guys! Look what Usopp gave me this time!"

"I did _not _give it to him! He stole it!"

Chopper took one look at the captain before he ran screaming from the room, closely followed by an airborne Luffy as Sanji punted him -and the fireworks- right back out the open door.

"I swear, my life almost flashed before my eyes..." Zoro muttered, throwing an arm over his face.

"Hmph." The blonde chucked the burnt haramaki at Zoro before stalking out of the galley. "At least you didn't miss anything interesting."

The cook was damn lucky Zoro didn't feel like incurring Chopper's wrath. Or getting up off the floor, for that matter.

Stupid fucking fireworks.

* * *

A.N.: If you like this, add it to your 'Story Alert' so you know when another drabble is added! 


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